Gomer’s Heroes

Gomer’s Rangers – It’s open carry cosplay! We’re not real soldiers, we’re just dressing up as them.

Gomer’s Rangers – Please, Rambo, don’t trip and shoot yourself!

Charlottesville, VA, Saturday, 12 August 2017. Do these gentlemen look like “peaceful” protesters merely exercising their Constitutional right of the people to peaceably assemble? Many are wearing body armor, dressed in military-styled camouflage uniforms, and toting military-styled assault rifles.

To police SWAT snipers: Aim for the fat guts protruding from the body armor. Center mass. Most of these idiots would accidentally shoot each other in a real skirmish. For the amount of money these yokels have spent arming themselves like they’re Army Rangers, they could have taken a nice vacation somewhere sunny and warm with the wife & kids. Or paid off their piles of debt to banks and credit card companies. Or just saved it for retirement.

My advice to you “militia” dudes: If you go out looking for trouble, trouble will certainly find you. Sadly, lots of innocent people will get hurt due to your insanely stupid concept of “vigilante” justice. You’re not chivalric knights or even patriots. You’re just a bunch of silly wannabe cops and/or soldiers who never had the moral and physical courage to actually serve your country. I imagine the guilt and self-loathing is immense because you didn’t serve, couldn’t serve because you were a fat, out-of-shape loaf, or you were just too fucking lazy. We the American people do not need your “protection.” What we really want is for you to put away your popguns before you hurt innocent citizens.

We have an Army,

Gomer’s Rangers – Be vewwwy quiet, I’m hunting lib-o-walls.

Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard defending the USA, the finest fighting force the world has ever seen. We have plenty of police at the local, state, and federal level. We even have a National Guard–the well-regulated militia of which the Second Amendment of Constitution addresses–comprised of willing citizens who have sworn to serve and protect the citizenry here at home, and lately they’ve served overseas fighting our wars to boot.

Gomer’s Rangers – The fitness requirements to join this unit are pretty lax, as you can see.

Moreover, an overwhelming majority of these brave American military and police serving and protecting us are good, decent, upstanding American citizens, our neighbors, our friends, our family. Plus they are magnificently trained in their work well beyond what most civilians can even imagine. Most importantly, they have sworn an oath to abide by the US Constitution and uphold the laws that our democratically elected representatives have passed. I still believe these brave Americans are protecting us well enough.

Gomer’s Rangers – On Monday these brave heroes will be back stocking shelves at Home Depot. But today they are WARRIORZZZ!

We do not live in a militarized police state. Not even close. I have been to such places, like East Berlin during the Cold War, and I can personally bear witness to the massive difference between a militarized, tyrannical police state and the current state of freedom and democracy in the USA.

What we don’t need are private citizens running around in vigilante posses like they’re Rambo the Ranger. You’re not Rangers. You’re not soldiers. You’re not cops. You’re nothing close to that. You’re play actors in military garb like cosplay goofballs at a comic book convention, with questionable mental stability while toting dangerous military-grade weapons, and, most importantly, without a lawful mandate for your actions and behavior. You’re a danger, threat, and menace to the peace and well being of civil society. You’re the problem, not government or the “them” you think is coming after you. It’s all in your head, Rambo Fatass.

Gomer’s Rangers – God, what fine specimens of American manliness on display here!

The only threat to any of you is your delusional mind that has led you to think you’re capable of “serving and protecting”–and against what, against whom, exactly? Your fellow citizens, a vast majority of whom don’t give two shits about you, let alone pose a threat to you?


I really have to ask: What great tyranny or grave injustice do you face? Being forced to pay child support? Highway tolls? Taxes, some of the lowest in the industrialized world? Being asked not to smoke indoors in public places? Facing the lowest violent crime rate in generations? Yes, the USA has its problems, like all civilizations great or small, but overall your chance of survival and living in peace is greater here than just about anywhwere on Planet Earth. BIG LOL on all your paranoid, existential angst, dude. You don’t need an arsenal, you need mental health counseling and a physical fitness program. Take away that dangerous weapon you’re waving around and your balls shrink to microscopic size.

Gomer’s Rangers – Freedom don’t come cheap. It cost General Patton here three months wages to build this Ricky Recon cosplay outfit.

Personally, I do not fear these chumps. One-one-one, unarmed, they are harmless little cunts to me. I certainly don’t fear their popguns. There’s nothing about these morons that sparks one electron of fear in my nervous system. I pity them as misguided losers searching for a manhood and masculine identity they’ve never quite gained.