The Hall of Silly Goofy Awesome Rock

Ah, Rock & Roll. It wasn’t all long-haired macho dudes in cod pieces playing loud, misogynistic piffle. There were some fun and silly bands that also played great music. Here’s my homage to a few of the best ones.

Rock Lobster – The B-52s (1979)


Life Begins At The Hop – XTC (1979)


(What’s So Funny ’bout) Peace, Love & Understanding – Elvis Costello & The Attractions (1979)

Another Nail in My Heart – Squeeze (1980)


Once In A Lifetime – Talking Heads (1980)


It Must Be Love – Madness (1981)


That’s Good – Devo (1982)


I Could Be Happy – Altered Images (1982)


Just Got Lucky – Jo Boxers (1983)


Five Get Over Excited – Housemartins (1987)

The Moody Blues

It’s about time the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame honored this superb band. Here are a few of my favorite songs. So light up a bowl of your best weed, put on your best headphones, and enjoy one of the greatest bands that ever was and will ever be, The Moody Blues. Deep, melodic, harmonious, mellow, rocking, brilliant, heady, psychedelic, profound, beautiful. This was the music for deep within your mind about the vast the universe around us, and of how it felt to be alive, breathing, and thinking. Goddamn I love this band.

Nights in White Satin (1967)

Ride My see Saw (1968)

The Story in Your Eyes (1971)

Tuesday Afternoon (1967)

Question (1972)

Legend of a Mind aka Timothy Leary’s Dead (1968)

I’m Just A Singer (In A Rock & Roll Band) (1973)

Confessions of a Social Media Dropout

I’ve tried in the past to quit Facebook, but was urged by friends and family to return. Lately, however, I find myself less and less interested in the whole thing. I’ve been absorbed by other activities like exercise and extensive reading to even want to participate any more. Thus I’m going to quit Facebook forever in a couple days. If anyone who doesn’t already have my phone or email wishes to contact me, I can be found at the following email address. Moreover my blog at http://journalofdoubt.com will always be a repository where I chronicle my quotidian life.

email: matthew.c.scheck@gmail.com

It’s not that I have anything against Facebook; as many on here know, I have participated in it with great enthusiasm for years. Nowadays as I approach my 55th birthday, I feel it’s time to move away from such an active online presence and return to a more distant and private lifestyle before the Internet made everything so public. I assure you all I have never felt better both physically and mentally in my life. It’s just time for a change. I was always more than happy to make my life such an open book for all to see, but now I think I’d like to get back some of the privacy such an online presence diminishes.

Peace out. I wish you all the best. You know where to contact me. I will disable my account Friday.

The Sophistry of Psychopaths

Sophistry: noun: the use of fallacious (highly untrue) arguments, especially with the intention of deceiving.

Calling this pile of ass-wart puss a Nazi belies the fact he’s far too much of a coward to be a true fascist. Though he does look like some 1920s Brown Shirt piece of shit, he is, in fact, the leader of the most vile special interest group in the USA, and is funded by an industry that has led to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of US citizens the last 30 years.

Here’s today’s insanity from NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre, who, like VP Mike Pence, looks like the Nazis in The Sound of Music chasing the Von Trapp family around the Alps [hat tip: Billy Crystal]:

Wayne LaPierre: “What they want is more restrictions on the law-abiding,” LaPierre said on stage at the Conservative Political Action Conference outside Washington. “They want to sweep right under the carpet the failure of school security.”

1. Everyone is “law-abiding,” even psychopaths, right up to the moment said psychopaths open fire on large crowds of innocent people with military-grade weapons. Take that maniac in Las Vegas last October. Up until he smashed open the window of the Mandalay Bay Hotel and fired his bump-stock-enhanced AR rifles at the crowd of Country Music fans below, killing 58 and wounding over 800, why, he was as “law-abiding” as any other person; after all, he legally purchased over 45 weapons in the previous year and passed every background check—you cannot get more “law-abiding” than that. And then he wasn’t when he pulled that trigger and unleashed hell on the crowd below. Can we please put this logical fallacy of “law abiding” to rest? It is a specious argument. Every person is technically law abiding until the moment he comes unglued and kill others. Who, we citizens ask, is the next psychopath to go from law abiding to total kill-kill-kill crazy in a matter of seconds and unleash hell with assault rifles and high-capacity-mag pistols on groups of innocents? Please explain this distinction, Wayne. Oh, right, there is no universal algorithm or pattern where you can predict when and where the next law-abiding idiot starts killing others. Ergo, the access to guns of mass casualty infliction is the issue, not the “rights” of the individual. Get rid of the guns and the slaughter will definitely diminish, even disappear. That is a logical fact, Wayne.

2. If what happened in Parkland was a “failure of school security,” what about what happened in Las Vegas? What was that a failure of, except to prevent a single citizen from buying over 45 military-grade weapons and thousands of rounds of ammo, checking into a hotel incognito, and murdering 58 people? Was that a failure or “security” too, Wayne, or just the fact you and the NRA encourage any and every fucking idiot in the USA to purchase a shitload of weapons and ammo for the so-called protection of liberty? What liberty was that asshole in Vegas protecting, Wayne? Again, can we dispense with the logical fallacy arguments? The easier security solution to prevent the thousands of gun murders every year is to get rid of the guns. Outlaw them. Seize them all. Now, this may seem impossible, and maybe it is, but, logically, that is the most correct answer to all this gun violence. Ask Australia. That brave country did exactly that, outlawing semi-automatic long rifles and seizing them from private citizens. Turning our schools into armed prisons? Insanity. Arming everyone in America into a giant Mexican standoff as a means of security? Really, seriously? You’re fucking insane, Wayne.

What’s so frustrating about the so-called public discourse on gun violence is that, for far too long, these specious arguments haven’t been rightfully ridiculed for what they are, a load of horse shit. Our right not to be shot by maniacs, as far as I know, greatly exceeds the rights of so-called “law-abiding” psychos for purchasing weapons designed for soldiers to kill lots of enemies in a war. Let’s not bullshit the citizenry of this country over this; Second Amendment rights are one thing, but how about the right to live free from nut jobs shooting at you with weapons that have no truly utilitarian use in the hands of private citizens?

How about the right not to get shot by a psychopath while attending a concert in Las Vegas? Or while attending church in Texas? Or watching Batman at a theater? Or having a work Christmas holiday party? Or dancing at a disco with your friends and loved ones? Or going to school or college in Colorado, South Florida, Kentucky, Virginia, et al.? Or just walking down the street? Your right to bear arms, Mr. Pretend Patriot Douchebag Wayne LaPierre, doesn’t trump my right to live peacefully. So while I think there’s lots of debate to be had about the validity of the 2nd Amendment—and the restrictions we as a civilized country should employ to prevent the thousands of gun murders every year—let’s not forget that the fundamental rights of a US citizen are the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, not to own a murderous war machine like an AR-15 rifle. Please, Wayne, with the silly bullshit arguments otherwise.

Party Like It’s 1978

Disco. Let me start by saying it did not suck. The only people who screamed that epithet in the late 1970s were monumentally douchie morons who dressed badly and couldn’t dance. They hated Disco because they were afraid of the unabashed sexuality and unbridled personal expression that dancing to this sensual, beat-driven music afforded so many people. Whatever. I was a teenager when Disco Fever struck the USA, and I loved every goddamn minute of it, all the crowds gathering to dance to this amazing and sexy music, bodies contorting, spinning, rubbing, bumping, and boogying. I kissed a girl for the first time to “How Deep is Your Love” by the Bee Gees; that was not unusual in 1978. Disco did not suck if one embraced its magical energy and let go of inhibition. Dancing to me is such an important aspect of my life even now, some 40 years later.

Straight, gay, black, white, latino, Asian, whatever, Disco was for everyone. It was the celebration of life and the truest, most sacrosanct democratic principles of liberty, fraternity, and equality.

Anyhow, here are ten of my favorite Disco songs. I could list hundreds, but these are my go-to songs. Enjoy.

1. Dance With Me – Peter Brown

 

2. I Feel Love – Donna Summer

 

3. Everybody Dance – Chic

 

4. Stomp – Brothers Johnson

 

5. Shame – Evelyn “Champagne” King

 

6. Love Thing – The Whispers

 

7. Born to Be Alive – Patrick Hernandez

 

8. September – Earth, Wind & Fire

 

9. Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood – Santa Esmeralda

 

10. The Groove Line – Heatwave

Gomer’s Heroes

Gomer’s Rangers – It’s open carry cosplay! We’re not real soldiers, we’re just dressing up as them.

Gomer’s Rangers – Please, Rambo, don’t trip and shoot yourself!

Charlottesville, VA, Saturday, 12 August 2017. Do these gentlemen look like “peaceful” protesters merely exercising their Constitutional right of the people to peaceably assemble? Many are wearing body armor, dressed in military-styled camouflage uniforms, and toting military-styled assault rifles.

To police SWAT snipers: Aim for the fat guts protruding from the body armor. Center mass. Most of these idiots would accidentally shoot each other in a real skirmish. For the amount of money these yokels have spent arming themselves like they’re Army Rangers, they could have taken a nice vacation somewhere sunny and warm with the wife & kids. Or paid off their piles of debt to banks and credit card companies. Or just saved it for retirement.

My advice to you “militia” dudes: If you go out looking for trouble, trouble will certainly find you. Sadly, lots of innocent people will get hurt due to your insanely stupid concept of “vigilante” justice. You’re not chivalric knights or even patriots. You’re just a bunch of silly wannabe cops and/or soldiers who never had the moral and physical courage to actually serve your country. I imagine the guilt and self-loathing is immense because you didn’t serve, couldn’t serve because you were a fat, out-of-shape loaf, or you were just too fucking lazy. We the American people do not need your “protection.” What we really want is for you to put away your popguns before you hurt innocent citizens.

We have an Army,

Gomer’s Rangers – Be vewwwy quiet, I’m hunting lib-o-walls.

Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard defending the USA, the finest fighting force the world has ever seen. We have plenty of police at the local, state, and federal level. We even have a National Guard–the well-regulated militia of which the Second Amendment of Constitution addresses–comprised of willing citizens who have sworn to serve and protect the citizenry here at home, and lately they’ve served overseas fighting our wars to boot.

Gomer’s Rangers – The fitness requirements to join this unit are pretty lax, as you can see.

Moreover, an overwhelming majority of these brave American military and police serving and protecting us are good, decent, upstanding American citizens, our neighbors, our friends, our family. Plus they are magnificently trained in their work well beyond what most civilians can even imagine. Most importantly, they have sworn an oath to abide by the US Constitution and uphold the laws that our democratically elected representatives have passed. I still believe these brave Americans are protecting us well enough.

Gomer’s Rangers – On Monday these brave heroes will be back stocking shelves at Home Depot. But today they are WARRIORZZZ!

We do not live in a militarized police state. Not even close. I have been to such places, like East Berlin during the Cold War, and I can personally bear witness to the massive difference between a militarized, tyrannical police state and the current state of freedom and democracy in the USA.

What we don’t need are private citizens running around in vigilante posses like they’re Rambo the Ranger. You’re not Rangers. You’re not soldiers. You’re not cops. You’re nothing close to that. You’re play actors in military garb like cosplay goofballs at a comic book convention, with questionable mental stability while toting dangerous military-grade weapons, and, most importantly, without a lawful mandate for your actions and behavior. You’re a danger, threat, and menace to the peace and well being of civil society. You’re the problem, not government or the “them” you think is coming after you. It’s all in your head, Rambo Fatass.

Gomer’s Rangers – God, what fine specimens of American manliness on display here!

The only threat to any of you is your delusional mind that has led you to think you’re capable of “serving and protecting”–and against what, against whom, exactly? Your fellow citizens, a vast majority of whom don’t give two shits about you, let alone pose a threat to you?

 

I really have to ask: What great tyranny or grave injustice do you face? Being forced to pay child support? Highway tolls? Taxes, some of the lowest in the industrialized world? Being asked not to smoke indoors in public places? Facing the lowest violent crime rate in generations? Yes, the USA has its problems, like all civilizations great or small, but overall your chance of survival and living in peace is greater here than just about anywhwere on Planet Earth. BIG LOL on all your paranoid, existential angst, dude. You don’t need an arsenal, you need mental health counseling and a physical fitness program. Take away that dangerous weapon you’re waving around and your balls shrink to microscopic size.

Gomer’s Rangers – Freedom don’t come cheap. It cost General Patton here three months wages to build this Ricky Recon cosplay outfit.

Personally, I do not fear these chumps. One-one-one, unarmed, they are harmless little cunts to me. I certainly don’t fear their popguns. There’s nothing about these morons that sparks one electron of fear in my nervous system. I pity them as misguided losers searching for a manhood and masculine identity they’ve never quite gained.

Scheck’s Doomsday Zombie Apocalypse “Prepper” Bugout Bag Contents

These days all the rage is going on YouTube to show off the survival gear and weaponry one packs just in case zombies (or those pesky Liberals, EEEK!) take over the world. Well, like any good “Prepper,” I’ve put together my own kit and I’d love to show it off.

1. Food. This is easy, 500 Tabasco-flavored Slim Jims and 50 packs of Twinkies. I’m set. Once in the field, like any good hunter/gatherer, I’ll seek out the closest Chili’s.

2. Water purification. Screw that, I’m bringing my Ronco Doomsday Preppers Beer Maker in Woodland Camo™. They say one cannot live without water; well, beer has water in it, right? I’m set.

3. Clothing. Three pairs of undies and my trusty Ronco Skidmark Removal Pen™—a MUST in any prepper’s bag. Plus to keep warm at night I packed my Batman jammies.

4. Knives. Of course I have my trusty Ronco Combination Ninja Sword and Pube Removal Shears™. Dude, I’m civilized, I’m not living in the wild with hairy and icky ‘nads. And a Ninja sword, hot diggity-dang, how cool is that? It can be a machete, can opener (if I don’t take off a few fingers first!), and back scratcher.

5. Weapons. I’ve got my trusty wrist-rocket slingshot and 500 marbles. That should make the zombies pause, bitches! I want to bring my Soviet-made RPG launcher, but my friggin’ beer maker takes up all the space. Beer or rockets? What would any prepper choose? Beer, of course.

6. Misc: My kazoo to make sweet music, a deck of porno playing cards I got in Amsterdam, nose hair clippers, my Scooby Doo flashlight, a fake turd to scare off interlopers to my camp site, and a can of Silly String for no reason but because I’m psycho. And beer. Have I mentioned the importance of beer vis-à-vis surviving Armageddon?

7. Tactical Adaptive First Aid Kit (AFAK): A couple of Power Ranger band-aids just in case I cut myself shaving my pubes, a bottle of Robitussin, and that complementary pack of Kleenex I stole from my hotel last week. I should add condoms to this kit, but, hey, the world’s ending, so the clap or a couple of knocked-up camp groupies ain’t gonna matter. And when the prepper babes hear me play Adele’s “Someone Like You” on the kazoo while sitting around the campfire, camouflage survival panties will drop.

8. Hygiene. I’m a metrosexual prepper, so I need the following inventory:

  • 100 litres of Hermes Eau d’Orange Verte Foaming Hand and Body Gel
  • 10 bottles of L’Oreal Paris Vive Pro For Men shampoo
  • 100 tubes Clinique for Men Oil Control Mattifying moisturizer
  • 10 jars of Paul Mitchell Clean Cut™ Medium Hold/Semi-Matte Hair Styling Cream
  • 1 bottle of John Varvatos Oud Cologne spray
  • 1 bottle of Frederic Malle Musc Ravageur Men’s Eau de Parfum
  • 10 bottles of “Old Reliable,” aka Chanel Bleu De Chanel Paris Eau de Toilette Spray, the Swiss Army knife of survivalist prepper colognes
And there you have it. I figure I can last, oh, shucks, at least three or four days—or until my body gel runs out. Then I am, like most of humanity in a doomsday zombie apocalypse, truly fucked.