Right vs Left Protests

No danger here, move along, these are “real” Americans peacefully exercising their rights. God bless! Cue Lee Greenwood song. Lock and load, patriots!

Open Carry March on March 12, 2014

Good, clean white psychopaths toting dangerous assault rifles during their protest rally. No threat at all!

 

Criminals! Traitors! Riot! Call in the National Guard! OMG! That Oriental kid knows Kung-Fu! Be afraid!

Dirty, smelly, fanatical, unarmed America-hating Liberals: RIOT! Run for the hills!

See? Get it? The distinction is so clear! Someone alert Sean Hannity that a revolution is afoot here. These dirty Liberal hippies are a bunch of traitors.

Heroes of the Alt Right

Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, aka Fat Fuck Numero Uno

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  • Invented the bloviating, right-wing gasbag asshole media and helped popularize “white male hate” as a political movement.
  • Extreme militarist who was unfit for military service during the Vietnam War due to a pilonidal cyst, otherwise known as an ingrown hair follicle on his fat fucking ass. How perfectly appropriate, eh?
  • Mocked teenaged Chelsea Clinton in 1992 as “The White House dog.” Har, har, har, fatso. Called Amy Carter “…the most unattractive presidential daughter in the history of the country.”
  • On women and feminism: “I have long told you, for example, Undeniable Truth of Life No. 24, written back in 1987: Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.” This from a morbidly obese, ugly sagging cock sack of a man.
  • Degenerate drug addict who for years cheered on the War on Drugs as long as only blacks and hispanics were being convicted.
  • Married four times. Charming. Wink-wink, and all four married him for his handsome looks, amazing charm, fabulously sexy body, and huge, throbbing, insatiably hard cock. Right?
  • Taunted Michael J. Fox for “faking” his Parkinson’s disease symptoms. Thus spake Fatty: “He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act…This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.” Jeez what an asshole. Seriously.
  • Praised Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s assassin. Thus spake Fatty: “You know who deserves a posthumous Medal of Honor? James Earl Ray . We miss you, James. Godspeed.”

Rush Limbaugh: Chickenhawk, junkie, racist, homophobe, sexist, and, frankly a despicable creep who would stoop so low as to taunt and demean the children of two US Presidents. The Hermann Böring of right-wing fascists.

 

Andrew James Breitbart, aka Still Very Dead Asshole

  • Never served in the military (duh). Sure, serving in military uniform is not a perquisite for being a patriot or nationalist, but, holy shit, some of you cunts like Dandy Andy could have gotten off your fat asses and enlisted instead of rabidly cheering for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan from your gaming recliners. Then some of you conveniently retracted your furiously fist-bumping cheerleading when it was obvious both wars yielded zero contribution to US national security. Meanwhile over 4,000 KIA and 37,000 WIA of your American peers who did fight these wars suffer the immense indignity of the Tea Part fanatics Andy and his cunt followers helped get elected to Congress deny helping Veterans and their families because, you know, the Koch Brothers—two more festering cunts who never served in uniform but loooooove America!—think taxation is theft and pay out the wazoo funding think tanks and compost heaps like breitbart.com to do their sleazy groundwork.
  • Founding Father of this so-called “Alt Right” movement, essentially a gaggle of hyperventilating, ultra-fanatical, batshit crazy right-wing assholes famous for their penchant for shamelessly vicious and utterly specious character assassination and slander, ragingly knuckle-dragging sexism, racism, and homophobia, extreme faux-masculine narcissism (laughably so), a bunch of douchebags who would love to have joined the Nazi SS except they’re far too effete and cunty despite all the steroids, HCG, Viagra, and endless hours at MMA training dojos and gun ranges. None, like King Cuntface above, ever served—or will serve— in the military though they all masturbate wildly to war images, old episodes of 24, and Jack Reacher flicks, moreover they feel no hypocrisy while impugning the patriotism of others.
  • He’s dead, so dancing on his grave is kind of icky, but he was such a vile fucking asshole I don’t mind pissing on his grave instead. Maybe even taking a huge steamy dump too.

Andrew Breitbart: Dead right-wing asshole. Enough said about that twat.

 

Stephen K. Bannon aka Kingpin Fat Bastard of the Alt Right

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  • Wife beater. “In 1996 he was charged by the Santa Monica, CA District Attorney’s office for misdemeanor domestic violence, battery, and dissuading a witness after a violent confrontation with his then third wife who divorced him soon afterwards. On Aug. 12, 1996, the case was transferred to a different court, and was called for trial. According to the court records, however, the ‘victim/witness’ was ‘unable to be located.’ As a result, the judge ordered the case dismissed.”
  • Anti-Semite and white supremacist. “Under Bannon’s Leadership, Breitbart News Openly Embraced The White Supremacist Alt-Right. Andrew Breitbart despised racism. Truly despised it. He used to brag regularly about helping to integrate his fraternity at Tulane University. He insisted that racial stories be treated with special care to avoid even the whiff of racism. With Bannon embracing Trump, all that changed. Now Breitbart News has become the alt-right go-to website, with Milo Yiannopoulos pushing white ethno-nationalism as a legitimate response to political correctness, and the comment section turning into a cesspool for white supremacist meme makers.” “In his roles as editor of the Breitbart website and as a strategist in the Trump campaign, Mr. Bannon was responsible for the advancement of ideologies antithetical to our nation, including anti-Semitism, misogyny, racism and Islamophobia,” said Rabbi Jonah Dov Pesner, the director of the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism. “There should be no place for such views in the White House.”
  • Homophobe. “A 2011 radio interview surfaced in which Mr. Bannon praised Ann Coulter, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin by saying they were not “a bunch of dykes that came from the Seven Sisters schools up in New England.”

Stephen K. Bannon: Fat, bloated, wife-beating, racist, homophobic, fascist pig. Ass clown. Creep. Cunt. Upside: at least fatty served in the military as a naval officer, which is lipstick on an otherwise turd.

 

Milo Yiannopoulos, Raging Queen of the Alt Right Jungle

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  • Couldn’t win a fist fight with Betty White, but he’d Twitter-bomb your ass, mutherfuckaaaaahhh—if he weren’t banned from it. Internet macho is sooooo scary, flame on, bitchezzzz. I lie awake at night terrified I’m the subject of a meanie Reddit character assasination thread. I just peed myself imagining it. Then again, Reddit and 4chan are for dull, intellectually lazy douchebags who argue relentlessly about “important” issues like how fedoras make dudes who wear them look gay/douchie/creepy/sad (pick your pejorative), ergo I don’t surf either.
  • He’s militantly gay! Oh, SNAP! Good for him, and bravo! Begs the question: a vast number of the Rust Belt folks who voted for Milo’s sugar daddy, Donald Trump, are insanely fanatical Evangelical Christian wack-jobs who think God really fah-showah hates fags and they’d love all “pervert homos” to perish in a holy, cleansing bonfire accelerated by all those faggy metrosexual grooming chemicals they imagine gays stockpile. They’d pray for your soul, Milo, as they draw and quarter you (KINKY!!!!) then fling you into their holy bonfire. Nice political allies you have. Sure, some far-left, fanatical, crusty dumpster-diving Berniebots smell awful and might steal my weed stash, but they’re essentially harmless. The left’s radical far left is considerably less scary than those gun-toting crackers itching to experience their own encounter with their personal Trayvon.
  • But, hey, let’s not split hairs, Milo, honey. Liberal straights like me live in or around urban gayborhoods and stood by our gay and lesbian friends fighting for their rights against the batshit crazy homophobic right wing religious freakazoids that wish gays and lezzies and trannies dead, let alone agreeing to their inalienable rights as citizens of the fascist theocratic state Preacher Fred D. Barffo promises them. You and I might disagree about the size and function of government, or tax policies, or whatever other political horseshit about which we would never find common ground, but, really, seriously, I don’t hate you because you suck cock or wish you dead because of it, moreover, though I think you’re a despicable and creepy, right-wing ass clown, if we were strolling together and a crowd of pro-Trump rednecks tried to lynch you for being a “gawd dayum quee-yer,” I’d fuck them up Jack Reacher style even though you’re a shitheel. Really. I come from the 2×4-weilding, pro-labor, muscular wing of liberalism, bro. I’m Eugene V. Debs with serious close-quarter combat skills and extensive military training with small arms.
  • Nothing you say is going to piss me off, cutie, because over-the-top provocateurs like you are fucking lame attention whores. Oh, you’re sooooo controversial! Provoke me, baby, you naughty little potty-mouthed instigator! The more uncivil and boorish you become, the more I’d just want to give you a big old sloppy kiss, you Bond villain of the intertubes’ right-wing mean girls, Ernst Stavro Blowjob.
  • Isn’t even a US citizen? Go back to Bulgaria, girlfriend. Oh, you’re a Brit? Same thing after Brexit takes shape.

Milo Yiannopoulos: The Kim Kardashian of the Alt Right, vapid, boorish, vainglorious, sure, but monumentally inconsequential to substantive public discourse. Go rile up the more ridiculously hyperventilating Bernie supporters who are as equally silly as you. Leave real discussion to the adults, you adorable little rabble rouser. I just want to pinch your perfect ass cheeks with every super-meanie pejorative and logical fallacy you’d fling at me.

Rudy: The Slobbering Slithering Sophist of Sleaze

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Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, unctuous opportunist, sleazy slobbering slithering shameless sophist (imagine the spittle Rudy would spew with that alliteration), vile human being extraordinaire, cunt, creep, villain.

How do we explain to our grandchildren about how America’s flawed Presidential electoral system vaulted Donald Trump to the Presidency? How could a barely literate, moral degenerate of a man win so many votes, he who not once proposed a shard of substantive public policy agenda in 15 months of relentless campaigning, I mean none at all other than to castigate Mexicans and other minorities, belittle and demonize Hillary, treat women like blow-up sex dolls, and vaguely wax philosophical about “Making America Great Again” minus any of the hundreds, no, thousands, of details on how this would actually take place?

Then there were Donald’s “surrogates,” chief among them this putrid pile of rotted flesh named Rudy Giuliani, whose every utterance begins, as Joe Biden quipped so brilliantly, “with a noun, verb, and 9/11.” Rudy’s every utterance is also copiously complemented by his lisping, drooling, hissing verbal delivery, making one wonder where all that spittle he spews smacks those in close proximity. He is, to me, one of the most repugnant public figures in the USA, a puss-filled, festering sore on the ass of America that simply will not heal or go away. His penchant for lying and skull-fucking facts is the stuff of legend, and even Rudy himself cannot contain his mirth over some of the shamelessly, luridly, monumentally specious horseshit he babbles. And just when you thought this vile creep has sunk to the most abjectly low depths of depravity imaginable, he stuns your imagination by sinking lower than is abstractly possible to fathom. He’s just fucking horrible.

The problem with left-leaning Liberals and Progressives, if it is really a problem, is that many are just not ruthless people who are willing to compromise their intellectual values and personal ethics to viciously, speciously, and relentlessly berate and demonize the other side with the kind of bawdy hyperbole and shamelessly over-the-top rhetoric like Rudy can do with such reckless hubris. Wanton slander and sneering character assassination are to Rudy valid debate tactics. What really makes him so vile is the almost winking, smirking, knowing expressions he uses to let you know he’s just “playing the game of thrones,” that it’s all political theater and he relishes the role as Iago the Villainous Cunt for the fanatical Alt-Right, woman-abusing, racist, homophobic fascists.

Rudy is the master of the slanderous false meme. Lying so shamelessly evokes not a moment of guilt in his conscience. To gain a cheap political point this bastard would declare his mother a cocksucking street whore. In the next breath he’d declare her a saintly cocksucker nonetheless.

Yet because Donald won with the rigged Electoral College despite losing the popular vote, Rudy will probably be offered a sweet gig in Donnie’s Cabinet, maybe Attorney General.

How utterly depressing, America, and how low we’ve sunk, that this creep will have so much power over us.

Bullshit Meme Du Jour

Steve Schmidt, tubby, lispy jackass, former campaign manager for John McCain’s losing Presidential bid in 2008, on why the lumpen idiot white males in the Rust Belt voted for Trump:

Steve Schmidt, political “expert.” This look of clueless gravitas is so common among the morons of the media chattering class. Expert my ass. His guy McCain got his ass handed to him by a black man in 2008.

SCHMIDT: It’s over. It’s something new. And I don’t know quite what that looks like over time. But don’t underestimate the cultural condescension heaped on millions of these working class Americans by elites in this country. Their God is mocked. Their service to the country is mocked. The fact that their patriotism, they get teary eyed when they see the flag. Their values are scorned and you saw this massive resentment manifest itself in this campaign and it’s a huge part of it.

Here’s the problem with your babbling theory, you pompous douchebag: Liberals have since the crash of 2008 been desperately trying to pass legislation to provide job training, cheaper education, and other means to uplift the undereducated and underemployed lumpen masses in the Rust Belt. Plus pass programs to promote job growth in these depressed areas. The Tea Party nihilist fanatics in Congress denied and obstructed every attempt to uplift these people, of course mainly to keep the tax bill of the Koch brothers lower. How convenient that you and so many other babbling twits in the media failed to report this to these millions of sad, underperforming working folk in the Rust Belt just exactly who fucked them. But, please, carry on, fatty, with this specious pile of horseshit. Mention snobby Liberal elites. Throw in Benghazi. Dirty Mexicans. Hillary’s email. But for fuck’s sake don’t blame the obstructionist Republicans who really fucked the Rust Belt underclass who swarmed to vote for their false hero, Generalissimo Trump.

With political “experts” like this, it’s no wonder our public discourse is so monumentally fucked up. This slobbering rat turd is unqualified to offer expertise on how to wipe an ass.

Trump Doom Step 1: Gut the EPA

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Myron Ebell isn’t a scientist, but oh how this cocksucker pretends to be one while denying global warming. Unlike the 99% of scientists who’ve studied the climate using scientific method, this twat just makes shit up to “back” his sophistry.

You elected Trump, white uneducated working-class moron male America, and so begins the wholesale dismantling and gutting of the Federal regulatory system that protects you, your families, and your communities, not that many of you low-intelligence retards even comprehend or accept the science of global warming.

But we elitist liberal intellectuals accept what 99% of all scientists studying the climate have reported, that Earth’s climate is warming rapidly and it’s caused by man-made pollutants, thus we know how tragic our future will be in light of learning Trump hired Myron Ebell, one of the biggest loudmouthed climate skeptics who sings his sophistry for his supper at the Competitive Enterprise Institute, to lead Trump’s EPA transition team. It’s like hiring someone allergic to milk to be the chief dairy taster.

Thank you for showing your hand on how you’re going to fuck the American people so soon after you’re elected, Donnie. Goodbye EPA. Trump voters, your kids will be gulping lead-laden water in Gooberville, Ohio sooner than you can say, “lock her up,” you ignorant morons. Clean Air and Clean Water Acts? Buh-bye! The energy industry cannot wait to start dumping fracking chemicals in your well systems, and since none of you will have health insurance starting next year (bye-bye Affordable Health Care Act!), good luck getting the cancer treated that your child contracts from the teeming bubbling filth leaching in your yard from a toxic dump site next door. I’m sure none of you considered any of this before you voted for Trump, because, as I suspect, you’re all fucking clueless morons. And yet here’s Exhibit A of how Trump’s going to fuck us all. Go, Myron! Set us back 100 years to the age when industries dumped everything vile imaginable into our air and water! Make America great again!

I will use lots of vulgar pejoratives and salty language in my opposition to Generalissimo Trump’s wholesale, cynical, and utterly destructive gutting of our government. Get used to it. I refuse to be civil in the face of the wanton thievery, malfeasance, and utter destructiveness of Trump and his gaggle of vile minions like Newt “Fat Cocksucker” Gingrich, Slobbering Weasel Rudy Giuliani, and Ten-Ton Tubbo Chris Christie, he who is one tablespoon of mayonnaise away from a massive coronary, and I can’t wait. They’re not going to make America great except for a small, rich, powerful group of scumbags who cannot wait to resume the frenzied orgy of gutting any Federal regulation stopping them from raping and pillaging us all that began during Reagan’s years and accelerated during George W. Bush years and damn near led to our complete financial collapse.

But YOU elected this motherfucker, so when things start to crumble—and they will because we’ve witnessed this before and it NEVER ends well—I will be on the forefront of constantly reminding you fucking creeps who voted for this vile human being. Under Reagan, de-regulating the Savings and Loan industry led to Reagan’s rich fucktard buddies sucking the life out of these kinds of banks until, of course, the American taxpayer had to “rescue” this industry via the Resolution Trust Corporation. We need not discuss the financial crisis of 2008 as it’s corpse is still warm. And so on.

And here we go again.

The Age of Enlightenment Just Died

The Trump Army: Left behind modernity like zombies after the Apocalypse

The Trump Army: Left behind modernity like zombies after the Apocalypse; yes, you’re deplorable, handsome.

Or

The Angry Stupid Fat Ugly Racist White Folk Revolt

11/6/2016 – Philadelphia, PA, USA

Donald Trump is the next President of the United States of America. Process that insane fact for a few moments, roll it around in your brain, and accept the horrifying reality it represents for our future in the USA. The Age of Enlightenment died in the USA last night as the election results clearly showed Trump convinced nearly 60 million of his fellow citizens to cast their vote for him. Meanwhile the national media—even the rabidly right-wing partisan hacks at FOX News—were stunned by this massive upset. Few within the TV and print news elite saw this coming.

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The Last American Patriot; does Obamacare cover them toofies, Goob?

I’ve been convinced for decades that working-class white Americans are largely suicidal and thus don’t really comprehend their ghastly tendency to continually vote against their self interest. The health stats prove out this “I don’t give a fuck any more” nihilism: they die younger from preventable maladies like heart disease, cancer from smoking, obesity, alcohol and/or drug overdose, diabetes, etc; indeed, the life expectancy for the working class has dropped precipitously in recent decades. Moreover this economic class is rife with divorce, broken homes, alcoholism, poor eating habits, drug abuse, child abuse, illegitimacy, and rapidly diminishing incomes and net worth. All this suicidal living explains their obsessive, reckless, knee-bending obsequiousness to their own doom as an economic class and ethnic group; it’s, as I say, nihilism.

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Redneck Nazi hags for Trump. Keep breeding, girls, you so look like the master race.

And why not? They are the remaining rats on the sinking ship of what was once a powerful industrial economy that was long ago shipped overseas to countries that don’t give two shits about fair wages, environmental protection, or worker safety. How could a good, caring, benevolent democracy ever compete with authoritarian nations that treat their people like slaves and stifles any dissent through mass arrests and summary executions? China has a couple billion highly servile slaves in its labor pool who work for shit in appalling sweatshops. Yet American companies—and much worse, American consumers—find zero moral repugnance having their products manufactured and assembled in Chinese labor camps while stripping American workers of jobs and an economic future. The only guiding ethos in the modern globalization economic system is the bottom line. Cheap prices. Extreme profit. Making shareholders and company executives richer and more powerful than Julius Caesar. The rest, bah! Fuck the working American men and women.

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These Trump Patriots can’t wait for the Trump Executive Order banning “political correctness” so they can go back to calling black folk niggers. Dude on the right is only 40. Too many ciggies and shitty canned beer for Bubba. Ok, I’m kidding, but still, I’ll wager he’s younger than my 53 years.

And there stands the idiot working-class American in some Rust Belt shithole or other, the crippled and bloodied casualty of globalization economics, angry about his or her misfortune, and yet acting on this anger by voting against his or her best interests. Voting for Trump isn’t what make these simple folks insane. No, it’s voting for Trump and expecting him to change their miserable lot in life that makes them deluded and wacko. Sadly, one cannot have a rational conversation with these dopes. Any attempt to inform them of their folly only further feeds their resentment of, and contempt for, the “educated coastal urban elites.” People like me.

The USA will survive this debacle. But only barely, and it will be costly to our national health and welfare, mostly damaging to the working-class yahoos who voted for Trump. Trumpism will not end well, folks, and in four years Democrats will once again be tasked with the cleanup and healing processes just as we did after the utterly disastrous Bush years.

My Five Favorite Rock & Roll Songs

1. The Rolling Stones – Gimme Shelter

I am curious what other people would pick as the greatest Rock & Roll song ever. My pick is this masterpiece from the album Let It Bleed by the Rolling Stones. The 60s were coming to an end, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Bobby Kennedy had been assassinated, the Vietnam War was at its bloody worst with the Tet Offensive, race riots erupted in every major American city, and Nixon was elected President as the “law and order” savior (sound familiar?). The world was upside down, violently out of control, and the hippie dream of peace and love had proven to be a bad LSD trip, brought crashing back to earth by the vicious and brutal reality of real life.

And here were the Rolling Stones to chronicle that dark, ugly mood with this absolutley beautiful, blusey, kick-ass anthem, highlighted by Merry Clayton’s high-octane wailing as she pleads to the Almighty to give her shelter from all the rape and murder and war. To me, it’s simply the most brilliant and poignant piece of Rock & Roll ever recorded, so topical for that time and yet so timeless too, the quintessential work of a band on top of its game like no other, then or now.


2. U2 – Bad

Another great Rock & Roll song, my #2 favorite song, in fact. I was at this show at the Hippodrome in Paris on July 4, 1987; my German girlfriend, Tanya, scored two tickets to cheer me up after the USS Stark Incident tore a massive hole in my soul. The funniest part was we drove to it in my 1980 Pontiac Firebird and all the Frenchies in the parking area freaked out over this exotic (to them) American car. This was always one of my favorite U2 tunes and on that night it became something transcendent and healing for my blackened soul, as for the first time in weeks I could clear my mind of all the dead sailors from the Stark who had been haunting me. When Tanya saw me crying during this song, she asked if I was OK, and I told her, yes, as a matter of fact I feel alive again. I think that’s what I said in my bad German. 

When Bono sang the following words:

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate

Let it go! I had to let it go! OK, maybe the hashish I smoked was screwing with my head, but those words struck me to the very core of what was haunting me, and I let it go; it was the first time in weeks I wasn’t crippled by anxiety and grief. I grabbed Tanya and held her tight. And I was better, maybe never whole again, but better. I wrote all this down in my journal, which I still have. Great band, perfect song.


3. Foo Fighters – Everlong

I am not a huge Foo Fighters fan, but I am a huge fan of this song, #3 on my list of my favorite Rock & Roll songs. Firstly it’s beautifully melodic, then there’s that buzzsaw guitar like a great Husker Du song, moreover Dave Grohl sings his ass off, all to a fantastic, almost wildly frenetic beat as if Keith Moon rose from the dead to play this track; as much as I loved Nirvana, this was better by far than any single Nirvana song if only because it’s both cuddley romantic and fun as well as it frickin’ ROCKS. The recording is crystal clear and as sonically excellent as any rock song ever laid down in a storage media. I cannot tell you how many 68-mile loops I drove around Lake Tahoe in 2000 while blasting this song, over and over, in my rented Mustang, top down, doobie blazing, all the while screaming along with Grohl. It’s just a goddamn great song for living life in the moment. There’s probably still an APD posted by both the California and Nevada cops looking for me. Screw them, you only live once, bitchez. You all know I’m insane, right?


4. The Doors – LA Woman

My #4 fave in STEREO: This is the Doors about five minutes before Morrison drugged and boozed his way into the Great Beyond, with a real bass guitarist in the mix, the sound of one of the greatest, most innovative Rock & Roll bands proving, without a doubt, just how goddamn great this band really was, and here’s that proof, nearly eight minutes of a Mr. Mojo Risin’ like no other, break out the wine and smoke, build a huge bonfire, bring on the bikini-clad girls, and get your hippie dance on, brother, this is the bona fide shit, what Rock & Roll was meant to be in 4/4 time, and holy crap Robbie Krieger was a great guitarist. At the 6:05 mark the song blasts into another galaxy far, far away from ours, and hell yeah for taking us there. Dude, really, Morrison partied like a pig and left a bloated 27-year-old corpse, but he was the real deal, a Rock & Roll genius of nearly peerless, insane brilliance. Just LISTEN. Bach, Mozart, Miles Davis or Cole Porter will not hook you up with that foxy chick in the red bikini quite like this, brother.


5. The Smiths – Well I Wonder

First of all, Meat is Murder is a superb record and certainly the most underrated one in the band’s catalogue, with a brilliant mélange of pop styles both old and new from 50s Rockabilly to Punk and Post-Punk and everything in-between, especially on this track where the lads from Manchester evoke 60s-era Roy Orbison but with the kind of literate and poignant lyrical beauty that that old pill-popping hillbilly would have never been able to pull off simply because he wasn’t smart enough.

Gasping, but somehow still alive
This is the fierce last stand of all I am

Morrissey stifles his usual snotty, haughty, and smart-aleck tendencies on this song and plays it straight, with heartfelt and genuine emotional depth and feeling, and for once you can clearly look behind his mask to see the real pain and anguish that tormented our favorite celibate vegetarian pop singer. Unrequited love, holy shit what a painful and soul-sucking experience for anyone, especially for such a sensitive and neurotic soul like our boy Stephen, and luckily we get to experience his abject melancholy through this beautifully haunting track. Meanwhile the band gently leads us through Morrissey’s anguish and torment with sublime sonic perfection, careful not to overwhelm the ambiance but to make it soar nonetheless by its sheer, breathless excellence. This is a great song by one of the best bands in the long history of Rock & Roll.

Alternatives to Watching the 2016 Summer Olympics

Fuck if I know how this sport works.

Fuck if I know how this sport works.

Three exciting alternatives to watching the (McDonald’sCocaColaAT&TSubaruMicrosoft) Olympics:

1. Booger sculpture. Last night I made a cute panda with my boogers. Or was it a raccoon? LOL, the fun never ends!

2. Watching the Bangladesh Junior Cricket League on ESPNAsia. My goodness, the excitement never ends with this fascinating and rather confusing sport. And the names of the players, such tongue twisters! Dust that wicket, Jagadish Chowdhury, you rock, bro!

3. Learning to bake bread in my kitchen. OK, really, I texted GrubHub and ordered a Philly cheesesteak delivered from Geno’s as I binge watched Limitless on NetFlix, but just the thought of baking bread made me smile.

As the orange-haired guy says, many people are saying some reality show on the History Channel about a family of midgets braving the cold in the Alaskan back country is getting higher ratings than the Olympics. But what do I know? I’m too busy making a booger ashtray right now. Merry Christmas for someone special!